Fear

Fear is one of those things type 1 parents don't talk about much. Especially not outside the type 1 circle. But, I said I was going to try to give insight into our life. So here goes.

We do not let fear run our lives, but it is always there. Every minute of every day, lurking in the background.  Is high blood sugar causing permanent damage? Will he go low when he is alone, or asleep, or out with friends and not come back up? How will it affect his relationships? College? Jobs? The list goes on and on.

This morning,  for example,  fear overtook me for a few moments. If you know me well, you know I am not at all a morning person. The snooze button is my friend, or enemy, depending on your point of view. Every morning, my alarm goes off about the same time as Seth's.  When he hits snooze, I relax a little and doze for 9 more minutes. Or more. Well, this morning, he didn't hit snooze. I bolted out of bed. I don't remember my feet hitting the floor until I was in his room. He didn't want to wake up! As I was deciding what to do next, Jason showed up wondering why I was running across the house before 7 am. He hadn't left for work yet. He got Seth's meter, and by then Seth was sort of awake. Tested blood sugar. 149. What a beautiful number! He was just sleeping because he was tired and didn't actually have to get up. You know, being a normal teenager. He just forgot to turn his alarm off for this morning.  But because of D, nothing will ever be normal again.

My heart finally returned to normal rhythm. All is well in the world again. For now. It never truly goes away, it just fades to the background for short periods of time. Then it rears its ugly head when you least expect it. 

KDA isn't just a motto,  it's our life. Every day is a fight, and we fight with all we have  in us every day. Until a cure is found, we continue to KDA.